I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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