She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So. Much. Porn.
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