At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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