is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
