there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
