I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
