It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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