I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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