Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
