PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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