Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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