i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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