I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
