At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I love you. Go after that dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
