so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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