eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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