i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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