I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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