fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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