Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
