But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
