So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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