This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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