If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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