But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
