I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
