Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
