i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
