All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
