She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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