My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
