I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
