HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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