I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
