Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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