How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
