So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
