was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
