about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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