I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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