Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
