my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
