ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
