i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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