i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize