So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
