he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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