This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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