"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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