dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
