Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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