she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
