dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
