girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
