considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
