I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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