Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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