i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
