I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
