So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
