There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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