3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
