Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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