i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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