But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
