I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So many bounce houses so little time
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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