This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
