yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's get the cat blown out
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
