haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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