help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
