did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We left the knife in your bed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
