Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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