Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
