..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
