and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
