Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
