I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
