I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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